I was going to do this as a Twitter thread, but then I realized it’s too meandering for that. It started with this:
I was about to use the line “ours not to reason why” in my latest project, but then I realized I referenced “Charge of the Light Brigade” in both “Start of the Majestic World” and “The Directorate.” On second thought, maybe I’ll skip it.
— Berthold Gambrel (@BertholdGambrel) April 5, 2019
Then I realized that the references to Tennyson’s poem come in the scenes I blogged about here–scenes that already had bothered me with their similarity, until I realized the one in The Directorate is way, way better than the one in Majestic World.
I have to be honest with you guys: I look back at The Start of the Majestic World and it seems pretty amateurish to me. There are elements I like (obviously) but the book as a whole I think isn’t nearly as good as I could do now. I toyed with the idea of doing a revised version last year, but I couldn’t figure out a way to coherently “revise” it–it was easier to just start from scratch and make up a new story with a similar vibe. (It’s called 1NG4.)
I’m greatly improved as a writer since Majestic World, which on balance makes me happy-–it feels good to know that you’re improving at something. But this leaves me conflicted about whether to even keep it up for sale. Part of me feels self-conscious about leaving something that’s not really my “A” game out there for sale. (It was my 2014 self’s “A” game, but not up to 2019’s standard.)
But I’m also sentimental about it. It was my first real attempt at long fiction, and some of the ideas in it have proven useful for future books. And I really, really appreciate all the encouragement and constructive criticism I got from readers. If not for you folks, none of my subsequent books would have happened. Without Majestic World, there is no Directorate.
I hadn’t re-read The Directorate since about the time I published it, but the other day, I flipped through it to check something about the word count, for comparison to the project on which I’m currently working. I was a little nervous, since the first time I re-read Majestic World after letting some time pass, I was underwhelmed by my earlier work.
Re-reading parts of The Directorate, I found myself thinking, “Wow, this is good! No wonder I worked so hard on it.”
I’m not saying that to brag; I’m saying it to say that the way to improve as an author is to write, publish, and get feedback from readers. Including–especially!–negative feedback. There may be some things that you look back on and wince a little, but it’s worth it.
I think of One Night in Bridgeport as an experiment. It’s what I wrote to see if I could actually write a novel. I feel like most of what I’ve written since then is infinitely better, but I’m never going to take Bridgeport down or re-writer it. It’s where I was at that moment as a writer.
Be happy with what you produced when you produced it. Recognize what your limitations were at that moment. And then recognize, as you have, that you have shown growth as a writer. That’s pretty damn good as far I’m concerned.
Thanks, Mark!
I agree with Mark. Keep it up there. Besides, critics of the future will need to see your early works!
Thanks, Audrey!
If you keep going back and re-writing what you’ve already published you won’t have time or energy for the new stuff. You’re right about going back and seeing how far you’ve come and borrowing the good stuff for future work, but keep forging ahead.
Thanks, Pat! Yes, I realized that I could spend forever tinkering with something I’d already put out there. I’d turn into George Lucas.
You should definitely keep your first books up for sale for all to read. It’s like the early music of great bands!
🙂 Thanks!