I have a nice new pair of headphones sitting beside me as I write this. I bought them because I would love to open them and use them to listen to some music.

The problem is that they have been hermetically sealed inside some sort of seemingly impenetrable material. The layman will tell you the material is plastic, but I am pretty sure it is some kind of translucent Chobham armor.

If, when the headphone case had first been forged in the fires of Hell, it had been molded into some normal shape, such as, oh, I don’t know, let’s say a square, they would still be accessible to someone equipped with the necessary, (though as yet uninvented) super-powerful cutting device.  

But it was not so shaped. Instead, it was shaped so as to fit snugly around the headphones, so that even if I had something powerful enough to cut through the damn stuff–for example, a lightsaber–no matter what angle I cut from, I will be cutting towards some vital part of the headphones, such as the cord or the cloth coverings over the earpieces.

I give up. There is simply no way of gaining access to the headphones without destroying them.  I shall leave them alone and allow them to be puzzled over by the physicists of some future civilization.

Okay, in all seriousness now, who decided that everything must now be so damn hard to open? I know, nobody wants some kid hurting himself by opening things he shouldn’t, but this is ridiculous. A person’s more likely to get hurt trying to open things then by actual thing.

Andrew Sullivan points out another horrible aspect of the whole Koran burning affair.

Now that I think of it, perhaps it’s part of a vast right-wing conspiracy: “Michael” is no longer the first name people think of when they hear “Palin”, and now the name of Terry Jones has been sullied!

Via The Daily Dish, I see that Fred Fox Jr., the guy who wrote the infamous “Happy Days” episode in which Fonzie jumped the shark, has penned a defense of that episode, claiming it did not signalize a decline in the quality of the series. Thus, the phrase it spawned is not really appropriate.

Hopefully, this article will result in a decline in the popularity of the phrase, so that it will no longer have the same resonance. In other words…

The phrase “jump the shark” will itself jump the shark. This will result in an irresolvable paradox that will cause the fabric of the space-time continuum to unravel.

At least, that’s what will happen based on my understanding of physics, which comes primarily from watching “Doctor Who“. That reminds me; that was a really good show until Tom Baker left. That’s when it really ju–

Old Rummy has apparently paid for an almost $50,000 portrait of himself to hang in the Department of Defense. This raises many questions, such as:

1. Did it capture his soul? (There are so many things one could say here, but I won’t.)
2. Why didn’t they paint the scene where he and Cheney have a Death Star model?
3. Why is it that the first thing I think whenever I see Rumsfeld is: “Hey, it’s Alex DeLarge‘s grandpa”?

Okay, so the last one isn’t a question about this especially, but it’s been bothering me for a while.

I actually sort of care about a soccer game. Apparently, we’re playing England at it, and they have been whining lately about the U.S. allegedly demonizing BP just because they screwed up our country in an epically disastrous fashion. C’mon, old boys, stiff upper lip and all that rot!

So, anyway, I hope that our team…

Uh…

Does, um… whatever is involved with… like… winning at that.