NFL haiku

Football season is upon us!  It’s only pre-season, but still!  Therefore I have prepared some poetry for the occasion.  I wanted to do more haiku since my political ones were pretty popular, and I got the idea to do a football-themed set from Gregg Easterbrook.  Some of them contain an actual prediction, some just make a lousy pun, but all of them contain 5-7-5 syllable goodness!


This will be the year

They win a postseason game.

But only the one.


Two great receivers

Never get hands on the ball

If QB’s on ground.


Most boring good team

Will make playoffs, win, then lose.

Wash, rinse and repeat.


Upgraded defense.

But inconsistent passing

Will give the fans “Fitz”.


“Cam will change the game”

Maybe so, but then again

We’ve heard that before.


Will win division.

And if they can stay healthy

Will reach New Orleans.

They ought to be good.

Yet, whenever we think that,

They always collapse.


They seem to have been

Re-rebuilding ever since



Poor Dallas Cowboys:

With the biggest screen ever,

And a small window.


Broadway Joe the Ram

Unitas as a Charger

Condemned to repeat.


Don’t blame Megatron;

‘Cover curse’, and their defense,

Put them in cellar.

Green Bay

Defense gets better

But offensive regression

Makes them a fifth seed.


Just who are these guys?

They lost Mario, but they’ll

Win the Lombardi.


Well, with any Luck

They will be back into form

Come twenty-fourteen


They’re gonna be bad.

Like, really, really awful.

As in, not too good.

Kansas City

They might be healthy

This year, and have a good chance

To win Division.


Major rebuilding.

The last time that they did that

They made the playoffs.


Is it just me who

Believes that “Christian Ponder”

Should be Tebow’s name?

New England

Impressive offense

Figures to run up the score.

Without the “running”.

New Orleans

Team’s united; there’s

No mutiny on bounty.

But still, no Captain.

 New York Jets

Should have signed Owens

And Moss and Ochocinco.

Would be great TV.

New York Giants

They look weak compared

To the Eagles and Cowboys.

Like they did last year.


How’ll the West be won?

I don’t know, but it will not

Be by the Raiders.



They always surprise people.

Not this year–sixth seed.


They tried to Ward off

The ravages of time, but

It’s caught up to them.

San Diego

I think that Turner

Could lose all sixteen games and

Still not get fired.

San Francisco

Will regress a lot

And still win their division

But not NFC.


Weird new uniforms

Make them the NFL’s Ducks:

Good, but not elite.

St. Louis

Could surprise some teams,

But Braford’s injury prone.

Can’t beat the Niners.

Tampa Bay

Like the G-Man says:

“Rise and Shine, Mr. Freeman”.

Wrong man in right place.


They appear destined

For second in division

And missing playoffs.


Griffin next Newton.

Puts up good numbers, but fails

To win seven games.

What's your stake in this, cowboy?