Football season is upon us! It’s only pre-season, but still! Therefore I have prepared some poetry for the occasion. I wanted to do more haiku since my political ones were pretty popular, and I got the idea to do a football-themed set from Gregg Easterbrook. Some of them contain an actual prediction, some just make a lousy pun, but all of them contain 5-7-5 syllable goodness!
Atlanta
This will be the year
They win a postseason game.
But only the one.
Arizona
Two great receivers
Never get hands on the ball
If QB’s on ground.
Baltimore
Most boring good team
Will make playoffs, win, then lose.
Wash, rinse and repeat.
Buffalo
Upgraded defense.
But inconsistent passing
Will give the fans “Fitz”.
Carolina
“Cam will change the game”
Maybe so, but then again
We’ve heard that before.
Chicago
Will win division.
And if they can stay healthy
Will reach New Orleans.
Cincinnati
They ought to be good.
Yet, whenever we think that,
They always collapse.
Cleveland
They seem to have been
Re-rebuilding ever since
1999.
Dallas
Poor Dallas Cowboys:
With the biggest screen ever,
And a small window.
Denver
Broadway Joe the Ram
Unitas as a Charger
Condemned to repeat.
Detroit
Don’t blame Megatron;
‘Cover curse’, and their defense,
Put them in cellar.
Green Bay
Defense gets better
But offensive regression
Makes them a fifth seed.
Houston
Just who are these guys?
They lost Mario, but they’ll
Win the Lombardi.
Indianapolis
Well, with any Luck
They will be back into form
Come twenty-fourteen
Jacksonville
They’re gonna be bad.
Like, really, really awful.
As in, not too good.
Kansas City
They might be healthy
This year, and have a good chance
To win Division.
Miami
Major rebuilding.
The last time that they did that
They made the playoffs.
Minnesota
Is it just me who
Believes that “Christian Ponder”
Should be Tebow’s name?
New England
Impressive offense
Figures to run up the score.
Without the “running”.
New Orleans
Team’s united; there’s
No mutiny on bounty.
But still, no Captain.
New York Jets
Should have signed Owens
And Moss and Ochocinco.
Would be great TV.
New York Giants
They look weak compared
To the Eagles and Cowboys.
Like they did last year.
Oakland
How’ll the West be won?
I don’t know, but it will not
Be by the Raiders.
Philadelphia
Unpredictable
They always surprise people.
Not this year–sixth seed.
Pittsburgh
They tried to Ward off
The ravages of time, but
It’s caught up to them.
San Diego
I think that Turner
Could lose all sixteen games and
Still not get fired.
San Francisco
Will regress a lot
And still win their division
But not NFC.
Seattle
Weird new uniforms
Make them the NFL’s Ducks:
Good, but not elite.
St. Louis
Could surprise some teams,
But Braford’s injury prone.
Can’t beat the Niners.
Tampa Bay
Like the G-Man says:
“Rise and Shine, Mr. Freeman”.
Wrong man in right place.
Tennessee
They appear destined
For second in division
And missing playoffs.
Washington
Griffin next Newton.
Puts up good numbers, but fails
To win seven games.