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It’s been a long time since I checked the spam comments folder to see what sort of hilarity is in there.  Let’s see what we’ve got…

“I truly love yoour blog.. Veery ice colors & theme.

Didd yyou develop this amazing ssite yourself? Please resply bac ass I’m hopin too creeate mmy oown personal blog annd wanjt tto fid ouut were yyou got tis frdom oor wat tthe theme iss named.
Kudos! I have beedn bowsing on-line greater tgan threse houurs
thes days, yyet I never foujd aany fascinating article
liie yours. It iss lovely valkue suffdicient forr me.
Personally, iif all webmasters annd blogyers mae excellent conttent materioal ass yyou probably did, thhe interbet wil probably bee muh more useful than evber before.
Hi, I do tuink this is a grea website. I stumbledupon itt 😉 I aam goijng too ccome back yeet atain siknce I bookmarkwd it.
Moneey annd freedom iis tthe bbest waay tto change, may youu bee ridh
and contjnue too hlp others.”

The cheeldren of the night. Vhat music they make!

“People really does a lot more than visitors’ expectations. Many thanks with regard to render these types of valuable, trustworthy, edifying as well as trendy applying for grants this issue to help Kate.”

This mixture of the generic spam and the oddly specific ending is a little unsettling.  I hope whatever Kate needed wasn’t serious.

“all the time i used to read smaller content that also clear their motive, and that is also
happening with this piece of writing which I am reading at this time.”

Keep me informed.

“I’ll immediately grasp your rss as I can’t in finding
your email subscription link or e-newsletter service. Do you’ve any?
Please let me recognize so that I could subscribe. Thanks.”

Never grasp the rss on a first date.

“The most clear career selection as a graduate of a Masters
in Hospitality Management degree would be to take on a management function in the hospitality sector.”

Actually, this may not be spam.  It could be my old college career advisor.  Their advice was about as useful.

“Oh my goodness! Amazing article dude! Thanks, However
I am having troubles with your RSS. I don’t
understand the reason why I cannot subscribe to it.
Is there anybody having identical RSS problems? Anyone that knows the solution will you kindly respond?
Thanx!!”

I dunno… I hear Kate has some problem. Could be related to grasping her RSS.

“It’s remarkable to visit this web page and reading the
views of all mates on the topic of this article, while I am
also eager of getting familiarity.”

Look, I believe in taking it slow.

“Frequently also endowed using a positive, outgoing character. Double Virgo: Aug 23 – June 1 With a powerful need to repeatedly check specifics – this double Virgin basically enjoys the constant search for brilliance. To others they often times seem to be in constant action. An incredibly realistic, but bold form Virgo. Relatively of a social climber, they logically operate their approach up any hierarchy they’ve their views fixed on. Virgo + Taurus: Sept 13 – September 22 Consequently they tend to worry significantly less than one other two decantes. Functional to the primary and not one to be lured into routes of fancy. Dual Libra: June 23 – Oct 2 An energetic social existence of some type is crucial for this decante. A sense of justice is inborn, they have minor patience for those that donot follow the guidelines of the terrain. It is a cooler sort Libra, there is more emphasis placed on creating the intelligence. A liking for bigger events is present. Being a part of a bunch or membership can also be important for them. An extremely chatty Libra decante indeed. People skills are highly developed, acquiring buddies is straightforward for this 1. This sort includes a sturdy requirement for a spoken outlet. Dual Scorpio: Oct 24 – Nov 2 Able to determine other’s celebrities in a heartbeat.”

I’m a Leo, so this is of no use to me. Perhaps it will help Kate.

“You won’t eel any cravings forr an extenred time and you will be capawble to avoid any etra calories.
Don’t try to find it in a single “magic” pill contrived by modern medicine.”

I won’t. Certainly not after what happened to Kate.

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It’s time for another round!  Let’s dive right in:

Trade News : women Considered Essential Nowadays

That’s probably the title of a Republican party memo somewhere…

Learn who’s discussing bag and also the reasons why you should worry.

What, me worry?

They Previously used to Laugh about japan – Now We laugh at all of them

Uh… I surrender?

What are Mark Zuckerberg’s blog posts in the movie “The Social Network”?

Poorly written… he had to invent Facebook to have someplace to put them.

naturally like your web-site however you need to test the spelling on quite a few of your posts.
Several of them are rife with spelling problems and I to
find it very troublesome to inform the truth on the other hand I’ll certainly come again again.

Don’t bother.

Perform the following to discover more on women before you are left out.

Ok–I hear they’re considered essential.

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I like the sound of this:

It is relatively simple to search for designer discounts
on the web. Lady Gaga wore a bright magenta shirt and teamed it
with a simple square pattern. If strange symbols are replacing the real ones,
you’re surely looking at a house and it’s just looking at a house and it’s just looking at a house the whole time.

This is almost existential, I think.  “If strange symbols are replacing the real ones”–I could see T.S. Eliot writing that.  Granted, he would decide it wasn’t very good, but I could see it.

This set me thinking that someone should create poems compiled from spam comments.  Well, some searching revealed that, in fact, someone has, and it’s quite funny!  Check it out.

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Lately my spam filter has been deluged by spam comments. If you look at the commenter “name,” these spammers purport to sell handbags or weight loss diets or something,  but the majority of them follow a very peculiar form.  Observe:

Some truly good posts on this site, thank you for contribution. “An alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do.” by Dylan Thomas.

Well, I’m a teetotaler, so… anyway, let’s have a few more:

You have observed very interesting points ! ps nice website . “We simply rob ourselves when we make presents to the dead.” by Publilius Syrus.

I like this blog very much, Its a real nice place to read and obtain info . “Nunc scio quit sit amor.” by Virgil.

I like this web blog very much, Its a real nice post to read and receive info . “Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room.” by Sir Winston Churchill.

I genuinely enjoy reading through on this web site, it has got great articles. “Beware lest in your anxiety to avoid war you obtain a master.” by Demosthenes.

<befuddled silence>

What the heck is going on here?  I’m forced to assume this the work of some relatively sophisticated yet highly eccentric computer program, but I’m trying to figure out what the people behind it were thinking.  Did they believe that if these famous quotes from famous people were so good that filters would let them through?

Whatever “thought process”–I use the term loosely–went into this, I think you’ll agree it produces some hilarious results.

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Heeeeere we go again!

Ha, I just like the selection of cartoony ones. It’s often wonderful when designers put some time into vectors for their site. Throw in some rad typography and its golden!

Uh… yeah.  What makes this funny is that it’s on a previous “funny spam comments” post.

I just want to say I’m newbie to blogging and truly liked your web site. Almost certainly I’m likely to bookmark your blog post . You surely have really good stories. Thanks for sharing your webpage.

Hmm… with equivocation like that, you have no business writing spam for a living.  You should go into politics!

It is the best time to make a few plans for the longer term and it’s time to be happy. I’ve read this publish and if I may I wish to counsel you some attention-grabbing issues or tips.

What are you, a horoscope?

Good morning. The content is quite nice.

You aren’t even trying.

And the prize-winner:

At this time I am ready to do my breakfast, afterward having
my breakfast coming again to read other news.

You should probably take some medicine for that.

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I’m pleased to report that we have a bumper crop this time around:

“Observe up the monumental hunk of process, I show handful points on this internet site also I deem that your net scene is rattling stimulating furthermore has places of splendid news.”

“The monumental hunk of process” sounds like something they do in Six Sigma

What i don’t understood is actually how you’re not
really much more well-liked than you may be right now.
You are so intelligent. You know therefore significantly relating to this topic,
produced me personally imagine it from a lot of numerous angles.
Its like men and women don’t seem to be involved until it is one thing to do with Woman gaga! Your own stuffs outstanding. All the time take care of it up!

I think he is trying to say that people won’t read anything that’s not about Lady Gaga.  This comment was on my Max Weber and football post.  Which gives me an idea: what would Weber think of Lady Gaga?

Empathetic for your monstrous inspect, in addition I’m just seriously very good as an alternative to Zune, and consequently optimism them, together with the quite very good critical reviews some other players have documented, will let you determine whether it does not take appropriate choice for you.

Well, I’m glad somebody understands my monstrous inspect!  Maybe you can explain it to me sometime.  But you’re probably too busy being an alternative to Zune.  How’s that working out for you?

 You are in point of fact a excellent webmaster. The website loading pace is incredible. It seems that you are doing any distinctive trick. In addition, The contents are masterwork. you have done a fantastic process on this subject!

Yeah, the secret is low tolerance for spammers.

 

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These aren’t the funniest, but it’s strangely satisfying to vent at them:

Hello are using WordPress for your blog platform? I’m new to the blog world but I’m trying to get started and create my own. Do you need any coding knowledge to make your own blog? Any help would be greatly appreciated!

Yes, am using WordPress.  You’re a sharp one, I can tell.  The fact that your name advertised a “fake diploma” tells me that you should be able to fake the programming knowledge needed for blogging.

I just added your blog site to my blog roll, I pray you consider doing the same.

Pray like gangbusters.

Your website won¡¯t render properly on my iphone 3gs ¨C you might want to try and repair that

Your comment won’t render properly on my blog.  I think we’re both disappointed in each other.  This relationship has spiraled completely out of control.  I think we should see other people.

 Hi there, I want to subscribe for this blog to get newest updates, so where can i do it please help.

Beats me, but if robots who want to sell me real estate can figure it out, it can’t be that hard.

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I don’t think I’m going to post anymore of these after this. This one simply takes the cake:

Hi there, simply become alert to your weblog thru Google, and found that it is truly informative. I am gonna watch out for brussels. I’ll appreciate if you happen to proceed this in future. A lot of other people shall be benefited from your writing. Cheers!

The first, third and fourth sentences are just standard spam; they almost make sense, but don’t quite. But that second sentence! “I am gonna watch out for brussels”? What does it mean? What was it supposed to mean? Do you think he’s talking about the capital of Belgium, or the vegetables named after it? Either way, why should he watch out for it?

Seriously, I’ve seen some funny spam, but this one is pretty hard to beat.

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Alright, I said I would post some funny spam comments when I got some, and here they are:

Thanks , I have just been looking for information approximately this topic for ages and yours is the best I have found out so far. However, what in regards to the bottom line? Are you sure about the supply?|What i don’t understood is in reality how you’re no longer actually a lot more neatly-favored than you might be now. You are very intelligent.

How am I no longer actually a lot more neatly-favored than I might be now? Well, it’s a lifestyle choice, to be honest.

Then there’s this:

thank you dearly author , I discovered oneself this web site very beneficial and its full of superb healthy selective information ! , I as effectively thank you for the amazing food program post.

Hey, you think you like it now, wait till you know English!

And finally:

Even so, since the requirement for rapid control is actually increasing one of many people, very few people are willing to wait for professionals to arrive and also check-out the issue. Hence, comprehending this particular desire, quite a few organizations are planning to provide you with the ‘PC repair Online’ service to their clients, which usually works best for those that exhibits impatience any time their particular program experiences normal hang-ups and other related difficulties. This type of trouble shooting is becoming well-liked in today’s scenario because there are several organizations implementing the back of software packages and hardwares only and if they get stuck in a few technological problem, they generally endures a loss of revenue that increases while using increasing time put in being in a new difficulties. As a result, the ‘PC fix Online’ program works for these while they have to continue going without going through any hurdle in terms.Consequently, with a lot improvements looking within the complex market, it would not come up as a big surprise if every one soon occupies the net interaction path to fix up the particular specialized complications occurring around their program.

This one is scary because it’s almost coherent. You feel like you might be able to understand it if you try hard enough, because it’s not that different from some business jargon. It’s more effective than the others.

P.S. Title comes from a line in Gilbert and Sullivan’s Patience.