Me and my dog.
Some questions I anticipate:
Q: Why do you have a gun? Aren’t you a liberal vegetarian?
A: I am. But I’m also a Midwestern country boy. It’s part of the uniform.
Q: Who is the dog?
A: My dog Jack. Rescued about 12 years ago one cold December day.
Q: What the actual hell?
A: Just go with it.